We Will Rock You

Sometimes in life, there are moments that are too perfect. As I stood in the wings for the last time, I felt all the work we have put in over the past few months come down to this one final moment, over so quickly and so finitely. It felt so beautiful to close my eyes and allow myself to feel my heart rise in my chest at the sentimentality of the moment, to feel the heat of the lights, to hear the wonderfully talented voices of my friends, to feel my costume clinging to my skin and the twinge of a smile on my lips. 

From the first time watching the show I knew I wanted to play Scaramouche, my heart latched onto the role from the moment I began to see myself in her, I was desperate, although I kept my cool publicly to not raise my hopes too high.  I loved her sarcasm, her quick wit and individuality, I loved the idea of quiet rebellion and found myself relating to her confident come-backs towards the people that tried to kick her down. She was an inspiration. Even without my attachment for Scaramouche, my mum is an enormous Queen fan so I found her pushing me even further towards this. 

When I went into my audition, my hands were shaking despite my unusual calm breath and clear head. I was of course prepared, after falling in love with Scaramouche's character I had watched the show 5 times and knew the words to all the songs off by heart. I walked in and sang "somebody to love" after an awkward misunderstanding before an acting audition for which I had memorised all the lines.  When I found out that I'd got the role, as anticipated by my teacher, I screamed and jumped up and down like an ecstatic child, not understanding then of the amount of work I was going to have to put in!

Rehearsals were fun but sometimes tedious, I found myself growing more anxious the closer we got to the show as there were many parts of the script that we had not finished or even covered and we all began to worry that there would not be time to finish. But on our last two days, we watched as the show pulled itself together from uncoordinated mess to something that actually resembled a show!

I found the performances going far too fast. Sitting backstage on first night left me shaking and extremely nervous but I found myself comforting others who were nervous to avoid the feeling of sickness. Kashoggi, policemen and I danced in the wings to "I want to break free" and suddenly I was singing on stage and loving every moment, almost accidentally smiling at my family in the crowd but singing my heart out. The rest of the show moved very quickly and before I knew it, it was Saturday evening and I was tearing up at the speeches before final performance. Suddenly, I was on stage for the last time and I felt my heart well up as I looked into the audience, sombre but proud. I smiled as I took my bow, savouring in the moment of having people clapping and screaming for me, who knows when I will ever feel that again? A final principles bow and I sneak a smile with the people who have shared this experience with me most of all over the past few months, before we all take our final bow.

The shows we do are amazing because the cast gains this sense of unity and suddenly everyone is supporting each other because all these unrelated people who would usually never say two words to each other are suddenly connected in this incredible thing, it is beautiful. The cast becomes a family for a little while and you share in each other's pride, nerves, joy, panic, stress, relief and excitement, when you stand on that stage together you become one. Your voices blend together and your heartbeats synchronise while you dance. What was once just a stage becomes our stage, our freedom, our connection. You lose the sense of segregation which dictates most school days, and suddenly age, gender, race, disagreements and all the petty reasons we usually stay apart are suddenly non-existent and we are just one movement with one vision ;)

When the final bows have been taken, suddenly all of that is suddenly broken and it is absolutely heartbreaking. But while it was there, it was amazing, it was beautiful and we all now share each other's memories of this wonderful production and that helped me through my tears last night.

It's a beautiful process and I feel so honoured to have played such a huge part in it. 

Now here we are. Our minds have finished collecting the memories and we replay them in our heads more like a slideshow than a movie and I feel sad that I don't have the full, smooth running of the production in my mind. It makes me sad how there are, even now, gaps in my memory. Maybe it's okay to let go.

It's a beautiful process and I feel so honoured to have played such a huge part in it. 

// Jeani